You, Like, Need to, Like, File a Writ of Certiorari? To the Supreme Court?

Tonight? On the metro? I listened to a pack of, like, college students? And they all, like, talked like this? And I found myself, like, counting how many times they say, "like," right? So I got up to, like, 50 times for this one girl? And, like, I notice that all of the adults (older than, like 30?) start to mouth the word "like," to themselves as she neared the very loud 75 mark.

I've decided? The word "like," is, like, contagious? And so, apparently, is talking in, like, a framework of perpetual self-doubt? Manifested, like, in a constant upward intonation so, like, everything sounds like a question?


I KNOW we used to say "like" back in the day, but it didn't pervade our conversations in the same way. We were being silly--mimicking the valley girls embodied by Moon Unit Zappa in her Dad's hit song:

• "Like my mother like makes me do the dishes? It's like so gross! Like all the stuff sticks to the plates! And it's like, it's like, somebody else's food, y'know??? It's like grody! Grody to the max!!! I'm sure! Like. barf. me. out. Gag me with a spoon!!"

I noticed, too, that the kids on the subway didn't use "right," as a conversational nudge for affirmation, like (appropriate use there) the French "n'est-ce que pas" or the equally effective English, "ya know?" Now, apparently, it's an affirmation of stupidity.

For example, you say: "Hi, you're stupid," and the like-20something responds: "Yeah, right???" What she actually means is, "Yes, I am!" or "Yes, right!"

So, the kids are using a question (right?) as an affirmative response ("right!") which makes it an affirmation seeking an affirmation. This may, actually, speak volumes about the strength of their self-conviction.

I'm wondering what happens, like, in 10 years when these kids are, like, in the working world?
Will I be at a doctor's appointment and hear from my young, talented surgeon:

Dr.: "So, you, like, need surgery? To, like, remove that purple thing?"
Me: "OH NO! What is the survival rate?"
Dr.: "Like, 80 percent?"
Me: "Like 80 percent? Do you mean, "around 80 percent" or are you asking me if I know the percentage? Help me out, doc. I mean, It's pretty scary. I don't want to die."
Dr: "Yeah, right????"

I feel like Jane Goodall. Next time I'll bring a tape recorder.